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Mothertongue

Part 1. Because of and not despite

(Original painting by Gaths)

There seems to be a proliferation of the idea that women can create despite our children.  When I write I am pulled both by the voices of ancestors and by the need to create someplace safe, a vision, for children – for the ones to come.

When we found out that I was pregnant I was terrified.  Fear and I are no strangers, I'm often afraid when faced with something I've wanted or a sudden opportunity for growth.  Pregnancy was both of those things.  I knew I'd need every day of the 40 weeks to do the soul-searching and closet cleaning that I felt was necessary to be a healthy, whole mother.

I wrote frantic poems in those early weeks.  I was coming to grips with change and my body felt like someone else had completely taken it over.  Sometimes there was nothing to do but surrender: sleep for hours on end, drink the chocolate milk, eat the grilled cheese sandwich, (although I hadn't had milk or grilled cheese in years), tell your supervisor exactly what you think about him.  And I wondered what would happen with my writing.  I still wonder what will happen with it.  But I realize there is no need to write as though I'm not pregnant.  I am very pregnant -- the scale lets me know this every time I dare approach it -- and the fact that I'm having a child influences everything I do.  I have never felt more focused or more strong than during this pregnancy and I've never felt more vulnerable.  It's the feeling of vulnerability that had me debating whether or not to start this section.  Ultimately strength won out, so Mothertongue is here.  I hope this can grow into a space where women share art, words, thoughts, and ideas— not despite being mothers, but because we are mothers. 

Maybe I'll think differently when/if my journal is buried under diapers and onesies, but right now I think I'm about to encounter one of my deepest inspirations.

Mothertongue - All Parts

Part 1. Because of and not despite - Part 2. 8 and a half weeks left - Part 3. How? - Part 4. A Love Supreme / Don't Attempt This at Home? - Part 5. Parenting’s Pendulum Vibe

Mothertongue - Links

http://www.beingmamadaily.blogspot.com/ Straight talk, support, and camaraderie abound at this refreshing open forum about the rollercoaster that is motherhood.
http://www.inamay.com Midwife extraordinaire Ina May Gaskin’s wisdom jumps from the pages of her manifesto, ?Spiritual Midwifery.? Look here for more on her birthing center, her ideas, and upcoming talks.
http://www.birthingfromwithin.com Pamela England empowers, inspires and gets women and their partners ready for beautiful births.
http://www.literarymama.com Just in case someone thought the word ?mama? and ?literary? didn’t belong in the same sentence. This website features some of the most eloquent poetry, fiction, and essays on motherhood that I have read.
http://www.geboortehuis.be I can’t say it loud enough: I love my midwife, Connie! Wanna meet her?  Go here.

For comments and suggestions you can also contact me by email: etallie@yahoo.com

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